Things Could Be More Reliable
Smiley On Mountain -> This has nothing to do with this poem, but it’s an Eight Lane Road, so I think it fits the overall theme. Besides, I think the living embodiment of an emoticon on a mountain is a very cool concept and needs to be published.
Things Could Be More Reliable
Things could be more reliable:
piss water tea, more stale than old;
valves that leak with familiar beat.
I will only come here at night,
boulevards emptier than roads,
dim lights glow from windows of homes.
So many memories, where I cry,
buried in your shoulder with grief.
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Hear this
on Sound Cloud
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Written for:
Poetics Of The Road
Also posted on:
Poetry Pantry #249
Today, I wrote the poem for D’verse Poetry prompt by billgncs to write an Octet, which is an eight line poem. For more of a challenge, we could write 8 syllables per line and also try to make it be about the road. So this is my attempt.
Image Credit: Bat-Ami Gordin © 2015 all rights reserved. Credit if you use it, please.
Posted on April 21, 2015, in Uncategorized and tagged dverse, dverse poets club, dVerse Poets Pub, dversepoets, emoticon, form, form for all, form poetry, octet, road, smiley. Bookmark the permalink. 37 Comments.
Verification wastes my time, and often doesn't work. I am going to stop commenting on pages that require verification one of these days.
ZONGRIK 
SH** really happens
IT really does.. but
when it happens all
there is to do.. is cry
and do a dance for
the next days dance
in living loving life..
until the next time IS..:)
The beat of that valve is very unsettling, and those dim light and empty roads make the me feel a sad return.. Intriguing.
Oh how I agree with your title! (and the poem)
quite a twist. funny notes ~
Very poignant!
That ending emotion grief is the one that stayed with me ~ Good one Tammy ~
sounds like this is solace stolen – I thought this was very powerful
You packed a lot of emotion in just 8 lines; nice job. Kudos for using Sound Cloud, for it is always wonderful to hear the author’s voice in addition, or while reading it.
I enjoyed the reading of this poem. it always adds so much. And the grief at the end of this…excellent write!
We learn sooner or later that things aren’t always reliable…the trick is to learn not to expect them to..then we are surprised if they turn out better…one way to look at it, anyway.
“I will only come here at night”: That makes me feel the hollow within the chest. Poignant and hard-hitting.
-HA
Interesting octave…definitely agree that things could be more reliable.
“I will only come here at night,
boulevards emptier than roads,”
Such loneliness, depicted here, but those last two lines, Z. sucker punch ones.
sucker punch, but the sucker still could see it coming if he/she was looking 😉
I hate leaky valves and piss-water tea. But I like your octave. A lot.
If only life were more reliable…..but sometimes it absolutely is not….Those last two lines really pack a punch….
I like how the ending make us think that there is much more to you story than just a list of unreliable things. Great intriguing poem!
I agree with Gabriella. This poem hints at a much larger story. Nicely done.
Your piece is intriguing,and some of the items are frustrating but amidst the unpleasant things, having a shoulder to cry on is a wonderful thing.
The irony that even though the beat becomes familiar, it still isn’t reliable….but, in the end, being able to rely on that one person’s shoulder to cry on, doesn’t that make all the other unreliable things matter just a little less?
hmmmm. i didn’t think of it that way. thnx. it’s almost like someone else wrote the poem. you are totally correct.
Sometimes it’s strange to me how someone totally {mis}interprets my poems in a way that I never intended them when I wrote them. Perhaps I did that here with yours 😦 But, I still thought it was beautiful and poignant!
oh, no, nothing to be sad about. that’s great. you put more meaning into it than i had, but now, i can fake it and say “oh yeah, that’s exactly what i was doing” 😉
i agree with the others who said this is quite intriguing! i want to know more! great write, Tammy!
♥
This is beautifully intense…!
Hi again! Thanks for posting this over at Poets United too. Hope you are having a great weekend.
you sketch the scene with some short precise lines… and really felt emotion there in the close – sums it up perfectly
Like Cludia I really enjoyed the poetic precision on this..A brave and original write – I shall be back for more… With Best Wishes Scott http://www.scotthastie.com
Amen to that title and the lines that follow…such crap happens and it just seems to pile on…lots of emotions here.
Piss water tea would just be nasty. Sometimes things just don’t go our way.
how about tea from water out of the Ganges?
and that leaks echo… great observation while contemplating about life’s hardships
Driving in or out of a place we used to share with another (but no longer) can be heartbreaking… It can sure make tea taste like piss… 😦
Only change can be counted on.
I like how you play with emotion..”dim lights glow from windows of homes”…the only beacon of hope in the dark emptiness may be….
Home for the memories even if they are sad.
O, good, you have at least reliable shoulder ..sad line ‘boulevards emptier than roads’ although I love roads…melancholia spilled well…